Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Torn. Sad. Happy.

This baby arrived last week and this one is being born as we speak. Well, I assume so, my sister was being induced this morning. I hope it will be OK. I think it will be.

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I'm fighting depression. I understand that I have to fight it so it doesn't push me down further. I hate that it is hard work and so very tiring. Being  a fighter is not really my style. I'm better at mosey-ing and day dreaming. Unfortunately that can't work for me at the moment cause I only daydream about unhelpful and depressing things. So I'm on brain patrol again. And when I'm winning that, Depression - the bugger - justs by-passes my brain and goes for my body. Not great sleep, wierd tummy - you probably know the drill. It's managable, but tedious, BORING, and I don't want it.

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But there are things that help. One of the things that helped this weekend was the wedding of my beautiful friend Ali. She's a phd student/disability activist/community building/rock chick friend who knows how to love. In fact, she's one of the few people in this world who seems to need to love more than she needs to be loved. She falls in love often and with a very wide range of people - which is not to say that she is not loyal, she recognises a crush for what it is and doesn't pay it too much attention  - she is just really into people.  The wedding was at a beach 5 hours drive from Sydney and was a mini music festival. There were at least 3 double bases and someone had dragged (how?) a piano into the middle of the paddock the wedding was on. She sang with her band, he played with his (YES they are both muso's). And there was a lot of love. A LOT OF LOVE. and it made me feel great.

So here are some photos from the wedding. Jumbled, sideways and completely out of order because me and html are not yet friends. 

Girl with my lovely hula hoop.

bride, groom and minister

a lovely moment with a dad and his 4 yr old playing blues harmonica

more music


7 comments:

mlg- believe N miracles said...

I can only imagine how must feel right now. I am sorry that you are hurting.
Thank you for sharing the pics from the wedding, it looked like alot of fun!

Lori said...

Good luck to your sister.

Lovely pix of a lovely wedding.

Holding you in my heart, B, as you feel sad.

XO

Michele said...

Sending you a big hug right now. It's freezing outside here now, so it's a big, warm hug.

Kami said...

I wish I had something to make it easier - a magic elixir or the right words. I hope your sister's baby is ok and I'm happy you had some fun at the wedding.

luna said...

depression is a real b*tch, b. thinking of you in this tough time.

hope your sister's delivery goes well. and the wedding looked fun. love is good.

mrsmuelly said...

You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I wouldn't describe you as mousey at all...but some days it is just easier to hide under the sheets.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Oh, honey. I wish I could purge those evil, sad thoughts from your heart and soul. They can be so debilitating in the most insidious ways.

Lovely pics of lovely people doing what they do best: love.

Sending some of that same sentiment your way...